Konoha's Home for Retired Cameos
by Cjonwalrus
Summary: After getting caught pulling a prank, the third Hokage has Naruto doing community service in a retirement home filled with some unusual characters.


**Author's Note:**

**Honestly this idea was just fun to play with, but ultimately probably not going anywhere with me. So like all my ideas it is open for adoption. I would love to see what a good author could do with this idea.**

**Disclaimer: as usual I own none of the intellectual properties described here in. Using me will net you all the nothing I have.**

"Remember, never ever, fart on anyone's balls," as last words go they could be worse, though Naruto couldn't really think how.

Honestly, Naruto never thought that he would get attached, not just to the self styled "Wizard King", but to any of these crochety old geezers and old bags. When he first came to be in The Floating Leaf Retirement Home, it was as punishment. Old man Hokage had sent him to do community service there as punishment for his latest prank (it's entirely possible that spiking the teacher's lounge's tea with laxatives and ceran wrapping the toilets on the last day of academy before summer break may have been a bit to far.) He had been sulky and ready to just grit his teeth and get his sentence over with. And then a laughing obese old man in a tacky home made wizard costume managed to throw a fart in his face from across the room.

Cartman-san was fat, crass, self absorbed, and had a huge irrational hatred for 'Senjews' (never mind that he still had photos of his genin team showing him with his arm wrapped around his Senju team mate's shoulders with the words best friends for life.). Despite all that he was a lot of fun to be around. He had apparently alienated all his remaining friends and family so he was more than happy to just talk to Naruto. Hell, that seemed to be true of almost all of the long term residents in the retirement home. As a boy who had never had a family, it was almost like having grand parents. He honestly could not conceive of anyone not wanting to visit their family.

He found that he kept volunteering long after his mandatory sentence was over. Here, unlike out in Konoha proper, people were happy to see him. All it really cost him was a little of his time and a willingness to listen. As attention starved as he was, that was a small price to pay for acknowledgement. They told him stories of their ninja careers and even taught him a few small ninjutsu (though Naruto probably wasn't going to be getting much use out of Cartman-san's "Dragon Shout" jutsu... unless it would be funny.) They also taught him about loss.

Up until he started working at the Floating Leaf he had never had someone he cared about die on him. But the people at the retirement home were old, some of them had even been active before the founding of Konoha. It was honestly just a matter of time before they kicked the bucket. Cartman-san was just the first.

The funeral was short, not way to many people showed up, most of his friends had either passed on and he never had any kids. Cartman mentioned him in his will. At being called an honorary grandson he almost broke down crying. He received the rest of Cartman-san's life savings and a scroll filled with Cartman's personal jutsu. He was also forced to once more repeat his promise to never fart on someone's balls.

The day afterwards he ditched from the Academy and just spent the day over at the center. All of his adoptive family were fairly understanding and helped him work through his loss. Even Mr 47 (he said he had lost his name a long time ago, but how does one lose their name?) put a hand on his shoulder in comiseration, and that guy has probably never emotes in his entire life.

Probably the one who helped him the most was old man Inuzuka. That was a man who understood loss.

"Like, it was back during the second great war man. We were The investigation unit. Me and Scoob here," Scoob was an absolutely massive specimen of a Great Dane, "were the team trackers. Freddy was our trapping specialist, give that man some ninja wire and a couple of rocks and I swear he could trap a Bijuu. Daphne was our super slueth, I swear that girl had a nose for mystery that was better than me. And Velma, I don't think there was anything that she wasn't good at. It felt like we were unstoppable, like there wasn't a mystery that we couldn't solve. So of course the world took that as a challenge.

We thought that this would be a routine case. The war was winding down so we weren't that worried. We were over confidant. Off the coast of the land of Swamps there was an Island. Danzo-sama, he was the director of operations back then, had caught wind of some type of experimental weapons program run by Iwa. We were to investigate and if possible deny the enemy it's assets.

The Island was a death trap, filled with reanimated undead monsters. Me and Scooby barely escaped with our lives. The rest of the gang wasn't so lucky.

Like, I'm not gonna lie to you man, losing them was and still is one of the most painful things that ever happened to me. I still to this day expect to turn around and find Freddy with a plan on his lips, Daphne fixing up her hair, or Velma face first in some kind of complicated book. But after a while the hurt starts to heal, the scars fade, and you learn to move on. The trick isn't to try to forget them and doing so is a disservice to their memory. No, you have to remember the good times and everything you loved about them.

As long as you can do that, they haven't truly left you. "

A few months later he passed as well peacefully in his bed with Scooby going with him. His last words were, "Hey gang, like sorry for keeping you waiting for so long. Let's never split up again."

Naruto took his words to heart and resolved to never forget Shaggy Inuzuka.

* * *

**So Shaggy stole the show with this chapter and now I also want a fic featuring Mystery Inc as a Ninja team in Konoha. So for anyone looking to take this idea and run with it, here are the bare bones of the idea. It'll be up to you to actually make a plot.**

**The Idea:**

**Pre- gennin Naruto does one of his infamous pranks during academies summer break. To let the heat die down some the Sandaime Hokage sentences Naruto to community service over at the local retirement center. For a boy starved for attention this almost ends up being a dream come true, as all these elderly ex shinobi really want is some one to talk to, someone who is actually interested in their stories, and in the case of one someone who apreciates fart humor. And while he is there Naruto learns things, some dangerous, some absurd yet effective, and some life lessons an orphan rarely ever gets to learn from his **

**Cameo list**

**The Wizard King/ eric cartman stick of truth. **

**Farting techniques**

**The kunoichi couple/ Uyko and Konatsu, ranma 1/2**

**Cooking, taijutsu, weaponry, kunoichi techniques**

**The swordsman/ Jack, Samurai Jack**

**Swordsmanship, Bushido**

**The tracker and trapper/ monster hunter with palico summons**

**Tracking, traps, Cat contract**

**The actual wizard/ even if he only remembers his fire ball spell/ fizban**

**Fireball Spell**

**The pirate queen/ Isabella from dragon age**

**Navigation, Cards, Cheating At Cards**

**The professional/ the sniper from team fortress**

**Professionalism, Assasin Mindset, Australianisms**

**The small drunkard/ Tyrion, ASOFI**

**Politics**

**The Inuzuka detective/ Shaggy Inuzuka and Scooby Doo**

**Detective Work, Where To Find Food in any occassion, the importance of teamwork**

**The ex root/ agent 47**

**Blending in, disguise, using everyday objects to commit murder**

**The True Ninja/ Sekiro**

**Stealth, pyrokinetics, assassination ninjutsu**


End file.
